Posted by: spickering | March 28, 2007

Day 1 of 90 Days Doing the Right Things

Ok, blog, you are going to have to disregard yesterday’s “Day 1” because I didn’t do it. I did well all day, but at night all these thoughts and feelings came flooding in and I ran down and bought a can of dip. It did however help me consolidate my thoughts well, and thus the post below. What I really need to focus on right now is getting through the first three days. Like I said, I think that’s the hardest part. Since that is the case, I’ll offer myself a reward: that new camera I’ve been wanting. So come Saturday after completing three days, I’ll go buy myself that.

Since I got to thinking about the summer of 2000 in the post below, I thought that I might play a little game with myself: pretend that it is 2000 again. Most of the things that happened that summer didn’t happen until after July 1st, so think of it this way: If it were 2000 again, and I had started today my program today, March 28th, I would have been activated by July 1st, which would mean I feel I could have held everything together, taken those opportunities and let it propel me further. Also, for sure I could have overcome my fear of flying in time to have gone to Brazil by 2002 when I had wanted to. I feel it is so clear that my fear of flying is just a symptom of my overall nervous illness. I don’t know why I didn’t see that before. It’s so easy to see, that when the “force” as Star Wars puts it, comes through a person, it will eliminate fear. Or at least that’s what my instinct tells me.

So let me repeat to myself that it’s ok not to understand all of your emotions and thoughts of the moment right now. Just accept that. The answer to my problems, turning confusion and distress into wisdom, courage, confidence, and understanding is activating myself, which will come from this program, as I call it. 90 days of doing the right thing. I want to know how it feels to be on the other side of it. I need to think of a really good reward to give myself for succeeding. It needs to be a biggie!


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